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Have you heard the expression “Boots on the Ground?” Well our Live Dead Missionaries are the boots on the Silk Road. Here we’d like to take a moment and allow one of them to share a snapshot of their life with you. Some names and details have been changed, but this is a true story from this colorful, vibrant, and sometimes surprising region.

It was a pretty normal Friday evening. Or at least I thought it was.

I was on my way home from some errands, and just needed to pick up some spinach from our neighborhood produce stand.

As I walked up, the main owner of the stand wasn’t there, but his “brother” was (I have yet to ascertain whether or not they are actually brothers, but it’s a term of respect here so it can be hard to figure out).

I was kind of in a hurry but unfortunately he wasn’t. Trying to figure out a problem he was having with his remote control, he beckoned me into the stand and tried to explain the issue to me. I nodded and smiled, but I mostly just wanted some spinach.

After a few minutes went on like this he suddenly jumped to his feet and asked me what I was looking for. He then ignored my reply and hustled towards the curb, asking another man there where the main owner of the stand was.

How to Recognize the Mob Boss

A large black car with tinted windows pulled up onto the sidewalk, and the guy I had been talking to wiped his hands on his apron anxiously and stood by the back door of the car as if to help open it. Then someone else hopped out of the front of the car and actually opened the back door.

A tall, somewhat overweight gentleman delicately removed himself from the car. Slightly balding, he was dressed in a black suit and an open-chested shirt. A thin, gold chain hung from his neck. His companion closed the car door and then stood at attention in front of it, hands clasped in front of him, like a bodyguard. Who has a bodyguard when they go to buy produce?

How to Fade into the Background

Now the main owner of the stand arrived in a flurry. “Good evening, good evening, how are you?” He threw around to everyone within hearing distance. I slowly backed away from the stand. I wasn’t sure who this new arrival was, but let’s just say if I was casting “The Godfather: Silk Road Edition” I would have written down this guy’s contact info.

However the owner beckoned me closer.

“Come, come,” he said. “This is Mr. Fire.”

I smiled nervously at Mr. Fire, every word I could possibly say erased from my mind. I managed to squeak out a standard greeting and then realized we had just finished shaking hands.

Time seemed to stop and everyone stood there awkwardly for what seemed like forever but was probably half a second. Then the owner turned to me and asked me what I had come for.

He quickly pulled together a bundle of spinach for me, mumbling questions about how my family was doing, then handed me the bag.

“How much?” I asked.

“It’s a dollar,” he replied. After I paid, he hustled me off with a flurry of “Good nights” and “See you laters” instead of drawing me into a long conversation as usual. I gave one last fleeting glance towards Mr. Fire and his entourage, waiting patiently for the owner to speak with them (or maybe to cut off a few fingers… who knows) and scurried home, surrounded by the feeling that I had just witnessed a scene I was not supposed to be a part of.

How to [better]Shake Hands with a Mob Boss [next time]

Now that I am an expert on this type of situation, I thought I would share a few tips I wish someone had primed me with first:

1. When meeting a mob boss, try to do it at a time when you are refreshed and alert so you will know how to respond. A Friday night at the end of a busy week is not recommended.
2. When someone who could very likely be an organized crime tycoon arrives at the produce stand, that is a good time to forget the spinach and wander home quietly, not gawk at him and his entourage.
3. If you do decide to stick around, try to maintain your presence of mind enough to actually make conscious decisions about your actions, and not discover what you are doing as it happens.
4. Though the vegetables may be cheaper because the produce guy is trying to get rid of you before you end up on a hit list, there are easier ways to get discounts.

The next week I asked the owner of the stand:

“That man that came on Friday night, Mr. Fire… He’s an important guy, right?”

He launched into a long speech that I’m not really sure answered my question. I did know one thing for sure: you never know what will happen when you live along the Silk Road.

*Photo above is a still from THE GODFATHER (1972)

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